You can stop putting other people’s needs ahead of your own. You can say “no” to people and not lose their friendship. You can say no to your boss and not get fired. You can say “no” to your children or partner and not let guilt envelope you.
Follow these TIPS to stop being a people-pleaser and get your life back. Put yourself and your career FIRST.
Remember, if you’re constantly putting others ahead of you…..you’ll NEVER, EVER get ahead yourself. You’ll NEVER, EVER fulfil your potential. You’ll be last. You’ll be emptied out of your creativity and your energy. You will have regrets and resentment.
TIPS to STOP being a people-pleaser.
- Realize you have a choice. Yes, yes you do. It may not feel like it, but there is always a choice. Exercise your right.
- Never say “yes” on the spot. Don’t get intimated or pushed into giving a decision right away. Always think about it. Tell the person you’ll get back to them in 24 hours. Then seriously think about it.
- Practice saying “no.” I’m serious. Practice with someone, record yourself on your iPhone, look in the mirror. Just get comfortable saying the words “No”…..”Nope” …….”Not going to happen”……”Not today”……”No way”……
- Do not provide a list of reasons why you’re saying no. You do NOT need to justify your response. You’re saying no, and that’s all there is to it.
- Learn to put boundaries up. Being assertive with your boundaries does NOT make you a bitch. It doesn’t make you self-centred or egocentric. You need to have boundaries or there will be nothing left of you. Having compassion for yourself is tied to having clear boundaries regarding what you will and will not accept. It’s about holding people accountable for how they treat you, otherwise they’ll keep taking and taking and taking. And you’ll eventually be completely and utterly empty.
- Before you say “yes” to something, ask yourself 2 questions: (1) Do I realistically have the time to do this? and (2) Do I really want to do this? –If you’ll resent the time spent helping someone else out, don’t do it. If helping someone else out is going to set you back on your own work, don’t do it. It’s O.K. to say no.
- Consider a time frame. For instance, you’ll only help someone out from 8:00am – 9:00am in the morning. You can only help out for 45 minutes and then you have to go. BUT, if you anticipate that 1 hour will easily turn into 2 hours, then STOP. Don’t do it. Say no.
- Assess what you’ve done for yourself and your career every single day. Have you spent more time working on someone else’s dreams than your own? Time to change. Evaluate how you’re spending your time, write it down & analyse it daily.
- Take care of yourself. What have you done today for your own Mind-Body-Spirit? (Exercise, Yoga, Meditation, Journaling, Art Work). What gives you joy? Make sure you do that every day, even if it’s just for 15 minutes.
- Realize you’ll never please everyone. There will always be haters, there will always be people who want more and more from you. In every class I teach I have students who think I’m the BEST professor they’ve ever had, alongside students who want to slash my tires. This will never change. So, don’t waste your energies trying to get everyone to love you, it’ll never happen.