When things don’t go your way, who do you blame? It’s actually quite rare to meet someone who says “Sorry I’m late, I honestly just left the house late,” instead they’ll say “Sorry I was late, but traffic was a mess, there was construction everywhere, and my GPS wasn’t working.”
I’ve heard every single excuse you can think of for late papers. And every single year at least 10 grandmothers spontaneously die all during exam week.
At some point, you just have to own where you are.
You have to own your mistakes, your failures and your current position. That’s part of maturing into an adult (although grown-ass adults do this all the time too!). –They blame their childhood, their parents, their spouse, their kids, their jobs, their lack of time, their transportation, their education or their lack of money.
Some people have been blaming their childhood for longer than they actually spent in childhood!
Blaming others is not empowering, it doesn’t move you forward. In fact, it keeps you locked in your past where you can overthink every situation that occurred to you and console yourself with why you’re not successful. Blaming others or your environment or childhood is blaming what you cannot change. You have no control over your childhood experiences; you have no control over how your parents raised you. So, why try to blame something that you can’t control.
The only thing you can control is your thinking, your mindset, your actions, and your responses. Focus on that and let go of the rest.
Lots of people call this ‘playing the victim,’ and victimhood is the total opposite of accountability. In order to achieve real success and fulfill your potential, you have to be prepared to accept full and total accountability for your life (where you are right now and where you’re moving toward.)
Taking ownership of your life means that the burden of success, the responsibility for extreme work ethic falls on you. If you succeed, if you fail, it’s on you.
BUT, it’s not about finding fault with yourself. I don’t want you to give that negative voice in your head even more power –(you know that awful voice that we all have that tells us not to do something cuz’ we’ll fail).
We need to be kinder to ourselves, yes. BUT, we also need to be honest with ourselves. Stop deluding yourself into thinking you’ve worked EXTREMELY hard on fulfilling your potential, when you’ve probably only worked a “little bit” on making your dreams a reality.
When you notice yourself falling into the victim story (“oh, if only my parents had done this for me…..if only I had more money……,if only I had finished school earlier……if only I had read this, tried this, visited here…….) –follow these tips.
When you start blaming others… STOP. Readjust your thinking. And FOCUS on your long-term vision. Then re-align your daily goals to make sure they’re connected to your long-term vision.
According to Moran and Lennington (2013), from the fabulous time management book “The 12 Week Year: Get More Done in 12 Weeks than others do in 12 months.”
- If you want a different life, then do things differently. Take a different route, a different type of action. You can’t keep putting out the same effort and expect different results.
- Stop playing the victim and redirect your thinking when you start blaming others. Stop making excuses for your lack of success and realign your daily goals with your ultimate vision for your life.
- Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Oh, this is a tough one, because everyone enjoys a pity party. Especially when things don’t go well. I used to really like shopping when I had a bad day. “Charge it!!! (oh, how Visa loved me!)—But that’s not really a viable solution. Give yourself a 15 minute (OK, 30 minute) pity party. Watch something funny on Netflix or the comedynetwork.ca, and then MOVE ON. Pity parties must have an end to them.
- “Associate with accountables” –Who are you hanging out with? Are they enabling your pity party behavior? Are they willing to listen to you complain with excuse after excuse as to why you’re the victim and why you don’t have the life you want? You don’t need those people. What you need are people who are willing to keep you accountable. You need people willing to call you out on your crap and be honest with you.