People pleasers are SO nice. Aren’t they? They’re like the nicest people, ever. They never say “no,” they’ll always help you out & do you a favor. They’re be there whenever and wherever you need help.
The problem is, they never help themselves. They’re so overcommitted to everyone else and addicted to say “yes” to everyone and everything that their to-do list NEVER ends. This creates a cycle of anxiety, stress, depression (emotional eating!) and resentment.
People pleasers are so worried about being perceived as selfish, rude or uncaring that they’ll always put others first.
People pleasing has its roots in 3 issues: fear of rejection; fear of failing or making mistakes; and a total lack of confidence.
- Fear of rejection = If I say no to someone I could lose their friendship…strain the relationship….they’ll stop loving me….they won’t like me anymore, then I’ll have no one.
- Fear of failure = If I mess up, or make a mistake, people will judge me, think I’m an idiot, and I’ll disappoint others.
- Lack of confidence = You internalize your mistakes (I’m an idiot, I’m not good enough), and you externalize your successes (Oh, it was the team, not just me….all about team work).
The negative consequences of being a people pleaser include:
- You neglect yourself!
- You passive-aggressively RESENT others for demanding so much of you.
- Your mental-emotional-spiritual-physical health is compromised.
Next 2 posts: Take the People Pleaser Quiz……..and Tips to STOP being a people-pleaser.